Elska mína

by ...

Sina Queyras

 

You created me, you should remember me; leaned your face into the canto of
…..my birth and broke air with me, breathed your best, your unrest
Into me even as you bled, and my father—a taut shock of muscle—caught me
…..as an Eagle takes a trout.
It was a rave, mother, a real wave and blue, a sprig of fur the three of us in our
…..first Pas de trois. You chewed the cord as he yanked,
Before that I was locked in the dashboard with Patsy Cline while you two
…..hurled and ducked. You bore me,
You should recall the blood you gave me, breathed your discontent, your
…..troubling, joyous, mysterious, unquenchable thirst for
Life in me: you shock of blonde, rare as Marilyn, a knubbly shudder of hose and
…..Almond Nougat
An edible parchment, a scroll so naïve, with such fine print, so in love with
…..your melancholy sex, you sleep as neat as a cat.

You bore me. You with your complicated luck, you should not desert me here,
…..not now, you should
Not forsake me at the lip of the mirror where the ego piques, at fifty, or fifty-
…..one, you slept on ice, do you recall?
You might have lived, you might have let go of history, made of sorrow a kite,
…..not a shroud to suffocate
Your Viking bones, wide and still as glaciers, your thin arms reaching out for
…..Valium, Ativan, Ambien. You gave into yourself my
Garbo, my tremolo, my Jeanne d’Arc, my dragon breather, mother, warrior,
…..pursuer, giver and taker of dreams,
You saved me, and then you left me, don’t you recall? Don’t you remember
…..your long arms slipping into the womb, not
Wanting that first painful separation, how you clung to me even before
…..I was breath, before
I was open my mother, my love, my jailor, your long nails like a claw raking
…..around my ears, clamping my eyes closed.
You saved me, wasn’t it that? Wrenched me into the world as you would pull
…..an arrow from your heart and
Pick your teeth? You should remember me, my two moles, my wracked brow,
…..the click of lungs, my fingers, the flat,
The round, my nails, more my fathers, like impish insect wings curled, too soft
…..to pull your hairs, grey one
For a penny, my mother myself, you said you would live for me, you said I
…..would live for you, to you, in you, you said, Tuck me
Into your pocket and walk me like a giraffe into Manhattan, just as you tucked
…..me in your bag when you ran to and from him.
You saved me, you should know me here with my palm of earth, with my
…..upturned yes, without a peony to my name.
I come for you on my knees, on my thighs, on my belly: I am so sorry I couldn’t
…..take you.
I come still, digging for your hand to find my head once again, to set me right,
…..to let me go.

 

 

 

 

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