PEACOCK
Joshua Trotter
I used to walk in a garden. I had a great many followers. I knew each one by name and if I could not remember, I made it up: There was Tigertail, Snow-on-the-mountain, All-about-love. There were Simon and Holofernes, there was Drummond-phlox, Turnagain Blossom, Thundergust.
There came a day when I began to feel myself again, walking outside, among all the bright followers which had made such an impression on me—on my inner selves and my outer self—that none of my myselves could now remember or even bother to imagine their names.
That day I caught a glimpse of what might have been a peacock, far off, against a green hedge, displaying the bright panopticon of its tail; all those purple eyes, yellow, orange, against a dark green hedge, unblinking in the noonday sun. All those eyes turned to look at me, for a long instant, then they were gone.
From that day, I began to spend less time in the garden, among my followers, more time at my mirror, within. I would posture and turn, displaying myselves to myself, holding my eyes wide as long as I could—until they began to tear. The once loyal garden beyond my mirror, if I remembered it at all, was emptier every day, emptier and emptier and further away.




