wind mills its own syntax
Nash Lott
my Dutch uncle’s German wife died from cancer,
disease unloaded malignant non-sentimentality
—a change purse eager to spend its last pound.
it was a familiar tone, if not dialect, like the “ch”
at the end of Bach—a backhoe scuffing gravel.
a card of sympathy sent pianissimo,
the embouchure of a windmill, delicate—no lip
to feel or tongue to hear—much as he gentled
yearling foals to instill safety in presence.
for my equestrian uncle, the emeried face of emotion
awaited the planishing hammer of time
—the compounding polish of faith.
……………………..· · ·
as my German-Canadian father aged, pride of agency
arrived for his downfall. my stepmother would say, “be careful,
Schatz”, “let’s get you some help, Schatz!”
“be careful, Schatz” punctuated all tasks: putting up
Christmas lights, carrying goods to the basement,
shovelling snow—anything ladder-related. as time collapsed,
no more workshop. the final time—an ambulance.
dad never attended church in Canada or Germany.
i weaponized his inconsistency when, as he aged,
he used terms like “god willing” or “if the man upstairs…”
those final days in hospital, i sat with him.
his throat rough, his frame failing, unable to speak.
i pondered our differences. how he and i never found
comfort in the overlap of generations—miscreant
linkages of DNA incapable, or unwilling, to speak
the same language. why waste time in frayed history
when my father was nearing the past tense.
……………………..· · ·
a ship having crossed its final body of water
under power of earth’s lung, unassured by the sextant’s
lead, unassured by the bow of aging masts bent to the howl
of mongrel winds—do life’s whipped and embrittled sails fall
prey, crucified by an end-salted swell of faith?
a distressed safety net
……a virgin hail Mary
……………………………for stepping off the end of life
not wanting to fall, flail, fail to make the supplicant
choice. someone, something, will inhale our body’s
sublimation—a conversion from metrical life
to an imperialism of immeasurable dark.



